Rainbow Dash and Jesus Christ: Tribulations
by dastardlybrony
Summary: A summary through the times of these two beings who change the very world they live in.


Everypony was super jealous, because Rainbow Dash had a second cunt. You know why? because she was a sly guy. Who needed a double cunt for all stallions to say, why? Wondering what to do with herself, Jesus Christ came into the play to tell her that having so much cunt is a disgrace to her whole family. Being naturally half-japanese, Rainbow had to comply with Jesus's request to return to the homeland and foster half-japanese humans with ponies. They would be the true creature that would be under god's grace.

So, soon after she married, japanese man, Suinto Cozooie, Rainbow Dash consorted with her mate and was soon impregnated since she was a mystical mythical creature. She had abandoned all past favoritism of Celestia and found the true lord in Jesus Christ his name. Now, pregnant and living in Neo-Tokyo with her husband, she was ready to live her life as a japanese mai… I mean, mother. But, then, her husband was abducted by floozy japanese women of the occult satanic church of anti-men negotiations.

Without her husband to support her and the child almost eleven months ready to come out. She donned her kimono, and her samurai sword to defend her husband from loss of great honor. Knowing she was close to birth of half-breed of great honor that would replace the human race, she prayed to her all father that her husband would be safe and the child would not be without a father.

With the Longinus Sword, which was the Longinus Spear melted down into a katana by her griffon half-brother, Swashimi. She ventured forward to fight the vicious womyn empire, filled with girls who did not like the word "Man", for their heads would explode. Soon, after taking down, one by one, each leader of the occult church, she gained demonic powers from the Longinus Katana devouring their evil souls.

After defeating and devouring so many womyn demonic souls. (Demons are naturally feminist, its in their D.N.A.) She realized that killing so many demonic feminists wasn't the right way and created a mutagen to make the genetic impurity cleansed out from their very selves. Soon, the only one left was Hilary Duff, who lead all of the monstrosity and imprisoned Rainbow Dash's husband in the Shadow Realm.

Soon, Rainbow Dash after freeing her husband, soon found out that he was a feminist all along. The child within her womb was also half feminist, and she could only resort to closely sempuku herself before the child was born. But, her love for the child had become too strong, and she gave birth to it while the father helped. Even though the father was once a feminist, he outdid his womyn programming and as a side effect became a man. It was something that came from out of a million chance.

The satyr baby feminist was naturally born as a female, but something was odd. It gleed like a happy born baby, and never gave into its demonic roots of anger and hatred of the patriarchy. Something akin to an actual feminist that isn't corrupt or stupid like the hateful tumblrette that see anything to do with a male as heresy. Everything was fine, and the future messiah of the true god Jehova came to the world.

And changed everything.

And when I say, "Changed everything." I mean, ended The Patriarchy and instilled a new way of equality, niceness, and no natural dominance over any other creature.

Then aliens blew up the planet because of how fucking gay everything was.

As the rising dust of the old order from the satyr warlords enforcing a great law of equality across the land. Everything went to chaos as the satyr males and females vied for control over the world again, while the humans would fight for their lives.

It was a brutal war, each side blaming the other for the devastation the aliens had put upon the world. Racism became king, and dancing with the opposite race(between Satyr and Human) would be a crime punishable by torture and death.

Then, Rainbow Dash, who had lived for thousands of years by god grace, had created a portal to Equestria that was normally only possible by the power of god. But, Rainbow recreated the same way god had done it. With the new influx of Pony populous on earth, they were a mediator between the war effort, trying to stop the killing before it even happens.

Soon, they were enthralled in the war as the brutalities they had made became uncountable. Embroiled, Ponies soon deemed both races, "abominations." and were sentenced to extinction after all that had been done. Ponies marched forward from the grand portal and with no option left, the Satyrs and humans banded together under a guise of survival to fight back the oppressors that would extinguish them all.

The turmoil and bloodshed were amped up to edgy proportions.

"Oh my god, there is so much blood, oceans of blood and piss! So much fucking shit too! Everyone is shitting themselves, oh god its so horrible! Why won't it end!?"

-Testimony of the Battle for North America

As the war raged on, aliens returned again. They made their reasonings to the destruction of the world very clear, because of the pollution of human beings had made in creating a Satyr population. It was a disgrace, even calling the humans of that said time "Horsefucker faggots."

They even revealed that they were actually human beings that settled a human settlement on the earth as an experiment. They gave a warning, either redeem themselves and destroy the abominations, or die with them. Naturally, the humans of earth could not refuse and teamed up with the humans from space to finally end the world war once and for all.

Satyr's and ponies had no choice, but to band up together from the encroaching threat. God, himself, tired of seeing the bloodshed and monstrosity was about to wipe the planet and any other planets that his creations may have lived on. Jesus Christ, his only son, intervened and asked if they may have another chance. The Great Jehovah gave Jesus this chance, and with new fervor, went to save the immortal Rainbow Dash from the bowels of Tartarus in Equestria.

After meeting with threats, such as Discord, Princess Luna, Celestia and more throughout his rescue mission, either being allies to his cause and/or detriments, in the end, he saved Rainbow Dash. With her reappearance, the satyrs, the ponies, and the humans all rejoiced of the return of Rainbow Dash the progenitor, Jesus the Redeemer, and all put down their weapons from this endless war.

Peace was going to be hard and difficult, but they first had to take care of the humans from space, before they had the chance to destroy everything they had once more.

The battle was brutal against the superior technology of the Space Humans, but with careful strategy and battle planning. The three tribes made them leave and never return.

All that was left was to rebuild.


End file.
